


fiddly digits, itchy britches

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Force Sensitive Finn, M/M, suck my fucking nards jj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:32:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>he tries to think of his mother again, but her face does not come.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	fiddly digits, itchy britches

**Author's Note:**

> domhnall and john barely have screen time together...im reaching. the title is from i love you all (radio mix) from the frank soundtrack even though it only makes sense for One Line

"Fire!" Hux yells, the red beam of light that shoots across the stars is almost blinding. His chest constricts, the weight death crushing him. A voice sneers at him in his head, it tells him he's done well, making his life of use again. He clears his throat and makes his way to his room. He is crying before the door even shuts.

Hux is summoned by Supreme Leader shortly after. His shoes click on the floor of the Finalizer, the only noise in the hall. He does not try to protect his thoughts as he approaches the door, he's already a dead man.

Hux is brought down a series of halls, his wrists on handcuffed, by restrained by the force. His body is still as he walks, something he's perfected over the years. He fills his head with memories of his family: his mother's smile, her eyes, anything about her he can manage to pull up. He no longer remembers the sound of his mother's voice, and he forces down any noise he was going to make.

_His mother is feeding him something. She is making plane noises, and he can hear himself laughing. Is that him? She smiles at him, mouthing something he cannot hear._

_He can hear the booming voice of his father, telling him not to dwell on the past. He does not argue with his father anymore, he knows it's not worth it._

_He hears the sound of a slap, screams that sound familiar, and he does not know if his tears are real or not. He tries to think of his mother again, but her face does not come._

 

He wakes up somewhere different, in clothes he does not recognized. His name does not come to him immediately, but the name "Finn" is in his head. He would've swore he didn't know a Finn, but he doesn't know what he knows anymore.

His name is in the back of his head and on the tip of his tongue, but he cannot form the word in his head. He's not sure how long he'd been asleep, and his stomach was clenched uncomfortably from lack of food, but he had to keep going. A soft, gentle voice suggests that he keep going. He thinks of his mother again, swearing he hears his father's breath on his ear.

 

"I need help, I need help, I need help." He thinks, body rigid as armed officials surround him. His chest heaving, they look him up and down in way that makes his insides curl. He doesn't know who these people are, and he does not know where he is. He can taste blood in his mouth, flakes of red fall off his face with every breeze.

They didn't vacation in the Order. Hux wasn't used to so much green. His life was black and grey. Was he allowed to call the Order his life? Was it ever truly his to begin with?

"State your business, please." Somebody commands, nudging slightly in the back with a blaster. They are agitated with him now, taking his silence as defiance

He points at his throat, and he points at the base. He is trying to keep his body from collapsing.

"Somebody search him." Another voice says, his chest tightening at the mention. He is unarmed as far as he knows, he does not want to anger these people. His pants stick to his legs as they pat him down. He is not the clean man he wants to be. His fingers twitch by his sides.

"Brendol Hux, you need to calm down." One of the officers says to him, looking him in the eyes. He struggles to return their gaze. He stills his body, and forces himself to relax. Brendol Hux. He does not like how Brendol sounds, even though it's the only piece of his mother than remains.

"He's clear." They assured, addressing the crowd more than Hux.

"We're taking him to cell blo-" Was announced, and Hux felt his blood go cold. He did not want a cell, he did not want a cell, he did not want a cell. His hands shook, his nerves through the roof. He was alert, the feeling of the cool metal around his wrists keeping him grounded.

_Hux did not remember the designation numbers of the ex stormtrooper he saw in the crowd._

_He does not remember what his room number was on the Finalizer_

_He does not know his age._

 

He wakes up to somebody stroking his hair. He is in somebody's lap, and he seems smaller than he is. His body seizes up at the contact, the hand starts pulling away in response. He does not grab who is holding him.

"Hey, it's me, Finn. I know you don't remember some things, and that's okay. You're at the Resistance base, you know what that is, right?" Finn says slowly, his voice soft and warm against Hux's ears. He nods, and Finn keeps going. Hux's did not know why he was being shown kindness. He was a bad man. He was a bad man and his mother would not be proud. He was a bad man and his father would be _jealous._

_He is warm. He thinks he is safe. He is nothing. He does not want Finn to get dirty. He is dirty_

"Focus, okay? Don't think about that." Finn says. Hux nods, and he thinks about Finn's smile. He likes Finn. He hopes Finn knows. He does ask how Finn knows what he's thinking about, he has an idea.

"Your name is Brendol Hux, but everyone calls you Hux. Just nod if you understand what I'm saying." Finn continues. Hux's eyes dart around the room, eyes landing on a camera he chooses to ignore. He nods, a little late, but Finn was still waiting. He doesn’t keep going until

"You're injured, do you remember how that happened?" Finn asked, and Hux shakes his head no. He can barely feel his body, much less remember what happened to it.

"You're throat is pretty banged up from screaming, and you're not supposed to talk. Is that okay?" Finn tells him, and Hux nods his head yes.

_Hux is smiling. He is in a dark room on a ship? He is not sure. He is with Finn, and they are close. It is warm, and he is happy. Finn tells him he loves him and he can hear himself say it back. They kiss, small ones, on the closes patchy of skin they can reach._

"Nice memory, that was a good night." Finn comments, breaking Hux out of his trance like state.

"You need rest, if you need me, just call." Finn reminded him. It was silent for a moment, and Finn departed with his smile intact.

_safesafesafesafesafesafesafesafe,lightlightlight, soft, happy, love, happy, bright_


End file.
